יהוה אחד

Yesterday morning the eclectic collection of micro churches in the broader Tampa Bay area came together at the HUB (Huge Underground Building) to represent the love they have and the people they love. For some, that means African American girls, and for others, it's the local homeless, the self-deluded middle class, Haiti, Manila, Hamburg, St. Petersburg, the college students, the aged, the dying, or for us, it's the people who knock on our door. It was hard to answer the question of who we are or what we do. Do? We do stuff. And who we are is part of the Body: just one houseful of people trying to crack our door wide open to the neighborhood we love. It was good to see other pieces of the Kingdom, each with their own passion and calling, none of them encompassing the totality of the Gospel, each of them invaluable in their own expression of it. And we are one.

After the micro church showcase, we worked alongside our friends to move them into a new house where they have decided to enjoy the reality of christian community among women. It's good to have sisters. On Saturday at a wedding, I sat next to one of them, Lauren, and we watched the groom kneel down and wash the feet of the bride, who then knelt down to wash his feet in turn. I leaned over to her and said "This is why I love Christianity" and her smile nodded in agreement. We are blessed to love one another by serving each other as we would want to serve ourselves. We are excited to work with Lauren's girls, excited to see them flourish in service to each other. And we are one.


In the evening, after our normal house meeting, I took the liberty of testing the boundaries of christian community, of calling the bluff on unconditional love. It's a gamble that I've come to love losing, because each time I've packed my bags in preparation for rejection, for judgment or condemnation, each time I've expected these believers to act like 'those christians', I have seen their judgment suspended, giving way to mercy, seen their words quieted so they can listen. I see their spirituality, with all the doctrine, dogma and discipline that entails, swallowed up in the Spirit, Who is the same in each of us. And we are one.

Being Called To Something Greater...

Today was a continuation of a process i've been going through for a lil while now, but more heavily in the last week. During a personal retreat this past weekend, I saw a foreign movie based on the true story of a young girl who was beheaded for her involvement in the german resistance against hitler... it really challenged me. it caused me to look carefully at my own life, my own goals, and ask whether or not i was living for something greater, something worth dieng for. more than that, it also challenged me to give myself TOTALLY to a cause worth dieing for; not just halfheartedly. her story left me feeling ashamed and inspired.... not wanting this sort of feeling to wane, i decided i needed to keep feeding whatever this was taking place in my heart, so i got hold of a couple movies about bonefhoeffer and watched those, and once again i was ashamed and ispired. altogether i'm looking at these people's lives and learning that their faith/relationship with God informed every aspect of their lives. there was no separation between their "religon" and their "politics," or there "religon" and their "social life," or their "religon" and their "economics." it was all one integrated whole for them.

it's funny... people like sophie scholl and dietrich bonehoffer were not popular in their day. they were just ordinary people who gave themselves fully to a higher cause. they were ordinary people who did not shrink back from death. really they were ordinary who just lived their lives totally surrendered to God, and that is what made them extraordinary. that is what made their names great and worth rembereing throughout history. and those who only served themselves, who cowardly gaurded their own intrests and did not speak up against the evils of their day for fear of their own lives or family, their memory has faded away....

i'm not necesarrily interested in being remembered, but i want to live a life worth remembering. I want to live a life that really matters. Deep in my heart i want to give myself TOTALLY to a greater cause, for the betterment of humankind. i don't want regrets. My greatest fear is to stand before God and hear him say "i love you, i love you, i love you, but you wasted your life." i want to hear him say "i love you, i love you, i love you, and well done my good and faithful servant."

but if i'm honest i hold back because i'm afraid of failing, getting down on myself, feeling hopelessly screwed up and incapable of following Jesus, and then being paralyzed by my fear and discouragement. that seems to have been the trend. and i feel like God is worthy of more respect than that. God deserves better than that. He deserves someone who won't be "in and out" all the time. However, i'm sick of holding back. I feel that restlessness of not living wholeheartedly for a greater cause. I live in the shadow of knowing that my life is not totally devoted to something greater and it haunts me. i cannot be here anymore. to do so is suicide.

this is just a snapshot of what's been going on in my heart and mind this week. may the lord be good to me, be patient, and bring it to completion.