Natalia is now in the back unit with me and we have been keeping ourselves busy by cleaning and unpacking from the move. We are doing well and hopeful about starting our life together once again. It is 'good and hard', which has almost become a cliche for describing what its like to follow Jesus.
We have been overwhelmed by the work in front of us and also excited as we have jumped into little projects around the house.
One thing that has become very clear to me in the last few weeks is that evenings will be the toughest. Natalia tends to go to bed several hours before me and it is in those alone hours at night that I find myself wandering the property as though I will soon bump into one of the guys which used to be a guarantee. I don't even realize I am doing it until its been going on long enough that I find myself back in the same area for the second or third time. I keep thinking of the empty nest syndrome parents are said to experience when their kids move away. It is a strange encounter with oneself. Your habits and your avoidance's are laid bare before you. I have always sucked alone and knew that I wouldn't show up to morning prayer if it wasn't for the others expecting me and I probably wouldn't get much done in the yard so long as I was left to work alone. We are created for community and I am remembering now the words of Deitrich Bonhoeffer who said that the one who is afraid to be alone should beware of community. I am not necessarily afraid to be alone but I am also finding all the little ways that I (even subconsciously) avoid it. This next season will be both a formation of my secret and private life with God as well as the development of real and intimate community with my wife, who has been the one given to me for all the reasons we look to others. I am not alone. I am reminded of all the times that I have looked in my parents fridge growing up saying that there is nothing to eat while the thing was practically full of edible food! I have everything I need right in front of me and yet because of habits, preferences and straight up blindness I find myself complaining like that little spoiled child gazing into the fridge.
I really do miss the guys and daily remember something more to miss.
Also I have embarked on a new adventure and season for the Lake House.
I pray that this house will be for Natalia and I, as it has been for so many others, a place of healing and restoration.
I pray that my memories of the guys would bear the fruit of gratefulness in my heart.
I pray that I would deeply understand why our language has words for 'lonliness' as well as 'solitude' and may I learn to gratefully embrace the later.
I pray that the guys would go on to bear fruit that is consistent with what God invested in them through our time together.