The Paradox

There are many days that it seems I can not go on. I can not care for another person, meet another need, or welcome another visitor. The weight of giving yourself to others becomes too great and I want to give up. I want to crawl into my room and hide from the world, from the pain, from the call of Christ. However I am always surprised by the joy that wells up in me at these moments of disillusionment. There is a joy that I find nowhere else in this world than at my wits' end with a life among the poor. It may be the reminder that God is with me, or maybe the knowledge that I am exactly where Jesus has called me to but it is truly ineffable. It's like being caught by the safety net of purpose and meaning which really is the grace of God. Like the idea that too much of a good thing is bad; it seems like too much pain is really good. When you empty yourself for another you are filled. When you have mercy, mercy is yours. When you weep with another, your tears turn sweet. Tonight I was sharing these thoughts with a community member and was reminded of these words of Mother Teresa :

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

Here are a few other quotes to meditate on:

To endure the cross is not tragedy; it is the suffering which is the fruit of an exclusive allegiance to Jesus Christ.

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

- Galatians 6:9