The Changing Seasons

It has been a pretty crazy summer. Natalia and I, with lots of help from her parents, gave the front house a bit of a reset. We cleaned, painted, and installed some new flooring. I wouldn't call it a renovation but it did help freshen things up a bit.

At the beginning of August we decided to rent the front to a group of young girls that were looking for a place to start a community. They are still hoping to find a place of their own but we all thought staying in the Lake House would give them time to find the right place as well as give them a chance to develop a bit as a community. Natalia and I are still doing our best to focus on our marriage and we are glad to be neighbors, occasionally sharing from our experience with this budding community.

Life has brought so many changes lately that sometimes its hard to take it all in. I really miss all the guys and the amazing life they were living here. I still see most of them quite often but it has just been sad to see their time in the house have to end. I am still grieving it.

We always used to say that it was the values that were consistent even when the people change. We had seen our share of individuals come and go and really learned the reality and importance of those stable values which defined our lifestyle. With the transition from those tough and tried dudes to a fairly green group of young ladies it has been hard for me, I feel the loss of the people AND the changes of lifestyle. I have felt the instability at times with the differences but I have also been quite comforted by the familiar and precious efforts at hospitality. Just this week I met a women who had nowhere to go and was really just looking for somewhere to get a few nights reprieve from the streets. In the past I never knew where to turn when I met women in her situation because there are just so few options. When the house was full of men we only hosted men and we always dreamed of and prayed for a sister community that could show hospitality to the women that we met. I have a few female friends that I have called in the past but there was nowhere like our house where a community was postured to receive guests in need. Being that the house is full of women now I jumped at the opportunity to direct this woman to them. I was so glad to see them open the house to her and offer he a place to stay for a few nights. Though the girl's hospitality, prayer, generosity, and even eating from the yard I have found the familiar values which have been so reassuring.

Then of course some things never change! (As in Craziness)

• Natalia had to break up two girls that were fighting about heroin near the alley this week. She successfully broke it up and took one of them to McDonalds for a snack. 
• Another day she had to call an ambulance for a friend that took quite a bit too many pills and needed to be monitored. 
• I ran into and briefly caught up with a dude that broke into the house a couple years ago. 
• We have had a few friends get arrested. One, barely an adult, is potentially facing life. 
• Oh and my favorite moment was when a guy, who was living outside, came up to me and handed me a brand new tattoo machine as a gesture of thanks. He said it was an extra and insisted that I take it along with his words of gratitude. I obliged. (Its only the machine and now I need a power supply, needles and ink but I just gotta say I am SO EAGER to start running this thing.)  

We also started our house church meetings again every Wednesday at 7:30. We have only met a few times so far and it has been awesome to all be together again. There are big things in store! We are beginning the semester with the end in mind and setting goals to plant another house church by December. We are praying hard for guidance on where to have it. Suggestions? Anyway, the Fall season is already off and running. We hope you will join us and walk with us as we pursue Jesus in mission this season.

Tonight is the Conscious Party and we are excited to be together again and share with one another. I am expecting a pretty great turn out tonight and hope you can make it too! Please bring food if you can and as always, bring a friend. Our hope is to create a night out and a platform of expression for our neighbors that are on the streets and everyone else is welcome too!


Lets see....What else?....Oh I have really tried to start writing consistently this summer and have been posting regularly on my blog called Ultimate Concerns. Check it out and follow it if your interested in my ramblings.

Please pray:

• Pray for Natalia and I as we continue to work at our own recovery and marriage
• Pray for 'The Guys' that sacrificed so much for Natalia and I to have the space we needed. Pray that they would be comforted in the loss, convicted in their values, affirmed in their capabilities and strengthened for the work that is ahead of them. 
• Pray for these girls that are renting the house and striving to live an intentional life together as Christian sisters. 
• Pray for the Lake House home churches leadership development, future location and the coming church plant. 
• Pray for our family of ministries: The Well, the Good Sam, The Banquet, The Conscious Party, The Eden Project, Sacred Studios, Underground Counseling, and Chyna's efforts to establish 'Firm Believers'
• Pray for me as I begin trying to fund raise to further support and grow our work among the poor in Tampa. 
• Pray for the recently established Ybor Heights Neighborhood Association. We started it and are working to rally community involvement. There is a lot of potential here!
• Pray for grace & mercy for a young friend who may be facing life. 
• Pray that I can get a vehicle working soon!
• Pray for our Conscious Party tonight to have a great turn out and a ton of fun
• Pray above all else that His kingdom would come and His will be done here, on earth, in Tampa, in our hearts, as it is in heaven. 

'What the hell are all these people doing in the same room with each other?'

"So an old black man, an old white man, and an old Jewish man are sitting around talking..." Sounds like the beginning of a really great joke but it actually was the beginning of a really great house church meeting last night. I could also have started by saying "So an asian girl, a black girl and a white girl were..." or even "So a high school student, a college student and teacher were..." or "So two Puerto Ricans and a Colombian are looking for Jesus..." You get the picture and it is the picture of the Kingdom of God.

Revelation 7:9

"After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count,

from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb."

Jon sharing with TEDx Tampa Bay

Here is a link to the Q&A that followed the talk. (you will need to turn your speakers up)

Thanksgiving Tents

We had a wonderful thanksgiving! We always have a dinner at the house for our friends from the neighborhood that might not otherwise have a family to spend it with. Historically we have dinner but most people show up full since there are so many places to get food on Thanksgiving. This year we had about 35 people at our place for dinner and the majority of them had not eaten anything. It was awesome and everybody ate their fill and pretty much polished everything off. Many of those who left our house that night had no home and were headed back out to their spots on the streets. They would sleep outside, try to stay warm, safe, and avoid the police who are constantly running them off. Like Jesus they have nowhere to lay their heads. Being that it was thanksgiving and I knew that a ton of people in our city were headed out to sleep outside of stores for the Black Friday sales i couldn't help but compare. If you are sleeping outside for the purposes of consumption and purchasing it is not just legal but encouraged in our society. If you try to sleep outside any of those same buildings on any other night of the year because you have nowhere else to go you will be run off, trespassed or arrested. After everybody left and we got the house somewhat cleaned up and we headed out with tents too. Not to the street corners or the market places but rather the 6 of us Lake House guys hit the road to head for Georgia. We drove through the night and arrived at Rock Town Friday morning. We spent the weekend camping, rock climbing, laughing, and just being together with each other and God's beautiful creation. It was a much needed rest and photos and possibly even a short movie are coming soon.

House Day: September 2011

Once each month, the whole lot of us Lake Housemates spend the day together. Very often we spend the time doing some kind of work, a project for productive bonding. This September's house day saw us working on our property to streamline the needless clutter, and to take better care of what we have.

Summer has been rough.

I guess that's nothing new, but it feels fresh right now. We're still shaking off the dust, gaining our bearings again, and beginning to figure out where to go from here. Or maybe we're still sitting in the dirt, wondering whether we can or should go on. Now more than ever are we blessed with memory. We look at what has come to pass so that we may know what is to come. We have seen our weakness, and seen a strength at work through it. We have known discomfort, only to find that we live in opulence. The road we walk has turned out to be tougher than we are, so that we can't possibly make it through, but we make it still. Our past calls out to our future so loudly that it almost drowns out the groaning present. Ever caught between memory and hope we live, and so we look to the One in Whom the furthest extent of both memory and hope dwell, in Whom we live and move and have our being.


Yet, in the maddening maze of things,
And tossed by storm and flood,
To one fixed trust my spirit clings;
I know that God is good!

Not mine to look where cherubim
And seraphs may not see,
But nothing can be good in Him
Which evil is in me.

The wrong that pains my soul below
I dare not throne above,
I know not of His hate,—I know
His goodness and His love.

I dimly guess from blessings known
Of greater out of sight,
And, with the chastened Psalmist, own
His judgments too are right.

I long for household voices gone,
For vanished smiles I long,
But God hath led my dear ones on,
And He can do no wrong.

I know not what the future hath
Of marvel or surprise,
Assured alone that life and death
His mercy underlies.

And if my heart and flesh are weak
To bear an untried pain,
The bruisèd reed He will not break,
But strengthen and sustain.

John Greenleaf Whittier

A Letter Home

Lakehousians,

Everything that has been happening has made me think about 'home' in a real way. Home isn't necessarily the house we live in and yet the Lake House is our home. Sometimes things feel like home or taste like home or smell like home. What is home then? It’s a question I've been thinking about all weekend.

Does home have to do with feeling safe?

What about being comfortable?

Our house is very uncomfortable in that we don't use a/c, there are ten of us here and its chaotic and dirty most of the time. But Home is that way for me now. I sometimes wonder, if a visitor from haiti or El Salvador were travelling in tampa, would our house feel more like home to him than other places he may visit here. And safe? Our home has felons crashing on the couch and thieves often trying to sneak into the yard but I just don't think it would be home if there weren’t.
Home is my community. Also, many people have joined our family and many have been called or just decided to go elsewhere. They are still family but they are not at home anymore. The most stable thing about our house and community are our values. All of the people may (and often do) change and the entire house may decay but the values are forever. They are a gift. It has really hit me that home is where we commit to Jesus and each other, home is where we share and give, home is where we experiment and build, home is where we welcome guests, home is where we fight and forgive, home is where we grow watermelons and okra, home is where we have a ton of fun and also take things seriously, home is where we, a family united by Jesus, are doing everything we know to do to see his kingdom come. I am a sojourner and a stranger with you, citizens of heaven. Our home is in Jesus and therefore we can be at home wherever he is being pursued. I am both excited to chase after God with this group of women and I am excited to visit and stay connected with you, my family, my people.
Friday at morning prayer we read from Matthew 12: While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
I just couldn’t take it. It was as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest and affirmed at the same moment. I wept from the pain of leaving but also the joy that is the gift of living among Jesus’ ‘brothers and sisters, and mother.’ I was overwhelmed by my love for each of you and my excitement to see you rise to the occasion and really really LOVE each other, and Jesus , and Jason, and Momma, and Benji, and Ryan, and everyone else that God brings your way. I expect so much from you all. I know your gifts and your struggles and I just want to ask you to fight harder, stand stronger, and push into God right now. You are each at a threshold and God is calling you into a new place of commitment and sacrifice. I know those words are hard at times, but it is worth it. I just pray that through all my anger, and belligerence and obvious weaknesses you were able to see an example of that. Jesus is real and risen and alive and among us! I see him walking among you and sharing in our life together. He is worthy of all glory, honor, praise, sacrifice, and love. The call is great and it is costly but his Kingdom is worth everything. Please push through temptation for the sake of each other. Don’t ever give up or let each other stumble. The Lake House is an amazing outpost of the kingdom and it is you who make it what it is. Thank you for every way your life is surrendered. The values are nothing unless you value them. Then they are earthshaking.
I know this reads like I’m moving to Australia or something and I promise that isn’t the case. I am committed to you all and promise to be around and involved and active in the life of our community. I am not breaking with you but I am moving down the street and am open to God doing what he will with me and us, and Natalia, and the women. I am hopeful that a women’s community will emerge from this that is more connected and ‘Lake House’ than anything we might have constructed ourselves. I’m reminded that “Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain.”

In His Hands,

Jon

Blood, sweat and tears...Actually, mostly sweat.

A couple of months ago, after praying and careful consideration, I decided to move into an intentional community in the inner city of Tampa. The Lake House is a community of men that has been around for about three years. Since its inception, about 7 years ago, the lake house has had women and men living in the same house (with a wall dividing the house), married couples living in the garage and plenty of visitors which are too many to name.

The house is located just a block off Nebraska ave and only steps away from the liquor store. There’s gang activity not too far from here and Nebraska ave turns into a walkway for lone souls late at night. According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office, since the beginning of this year there has been 101 crimes committed in a 3 miles radius. The bulk of it (43.56%) have been drug-related incidents with 44, which includes possession, trafficking and delivery. Common sense will discourage most people to live on a neighborhood like this. I mean, didn’t my family move to the USA to provide my sister and I with better opportunities? Am I not supposed to accomplish the American Dream? A nice job or business, a nice home, a family, enough money to travel and to give to charity? Is it not the pinnacle of our lives to be able to live comfortable and admiring lives?

These are questions that have plague my mind ever since Jesus became a priority in my life. Apart from the many questions about philosophy and theology, the questions about practice are the ones that have really intrigued me the most. What does the bible say about practicing our faith? How does that look like culturally, economically and socially in our context? These are questions that i don't have complete answers for, but as I dive deep into the relationship Jesus is offering for me i learn more and more. I hope that through living in the Lake House community I’m able to learn from these men that have been at it since a few years ago.

For those of you that know a little bit of the history of the Church, the Lake House looks like a modern monastic movement, currently referred as new monasticism. We’re not monks or take bows, we don’t shave our heads, even though sometimes it happens by mistake, we did not recluse to the farthest point possible from society, yet we live within the margins of society. We plant and grow food: Tomates, pimentones, cilantro, frijoles, sandias and mucho mas. We mostly love each other with an occasional hint of recent. We’re broken people reaching to broken people by pointing to the one true God.

Living here has been a blessing from God. From the late night conversations to the occasional bike rides. It all has been a blessing. I remember moving in in the first week having some expectations of what “community living” looks like. That very first weekend some of the guys went camping and i was left by myself to ponder on some aspects and choices that involved living with others intentionally. Living at the Lake House and sharing my life with its members has been in a sense transparent. I cannot recluse to my room and hide my emotions, i have had to confront my fears and realize that my life is not my own. While dealing with different issues some of the guys have gone through, i realize that those issues are not as foreign as i thought.
Those same issues have been concealed deep within my heart and now Jesus is using a group of men to bring those out. We counsel each other, we joke around, we stumble and we pray. Jesus is in the midst of everything, in our decisions to invite people, how we buy our groceries and how we used our energy. We are family because of Him, nothing else. If it was not because the Grace of Christ, this community would have folded ages ago.

This is still a journey and i have 8 more months of it. I sincerely pray that God will use the Lake House to shape and mold me to the His image. May His name be glorified forever and ever.

Prayer, Hospitality, Community, Sweat, and Initiative

So yesterday I woke up early to pray and eat breakfast with my community. We all gathered in the family room and had a great time of prayer. While we were praying 'Empress' Mary came to the door. Natalia went and sat with her while we continued praying. We just met Empress Mary the other day through a guy that was crashing at our house for a few nights. She is also on the streets and we have been doing our best to find female friends to put her up since we can't really host women guests in a house full of guys. She dropped in to get a shower and spend some time with us. We all chipped in after prayer to make a big breakfast to eat together and had her join us. It really was an awesome morning and I realized later how opportunities to love people literally just knock on our door. I am so grateful.

The Changing of Seasons

I am preparing to leave within the next week and a half to go on quite a different adventure than the last couple years have provided me. I am nervous about this change. I do not like leaving because I know I will miss my brothers and sisters. I know the application of all I have experienced will be tried and I will have to toil in quite a different way. Living at the Lake House has been quite a different experience. Moving in I thought "How exciting. I'm living in community and experiencing a new environment with some of the most liberal Christians I have met. I can experience God in a new and more real way than I have before." And I did just that; it was awesome. In the beginning parts of me were pealed away. I have compared this to an onion. In the beginning I was challenged on parts of myself that I expected to be challenged on, the outer layers of the onion were pealed as expected. But then challenge and conviction came closer to the heart, parts of my life that were not up for grabs....they were mine to hold onto. And this hurt. Among all the joy and wonderful life that I have had living with these men, I have experienced the most convicting pain of my life. God stepped in and revealed things in my life that I had not even thought of. Areas of my life that were not as he wanted them to be. I dug my feet into the ground , the stubborn ass that I am. I would not move of my own accord, so I was dragged kicking and screaming through conviction and trial and purification. Goodness and righteousness is not a fairytale land , it is not even a place at all. It is a process of burning away the imperfections that exist within your life, most of which we don't even know exist. I thought myself much better than I actually was. And like any good refiner does, he heats up the metal that the imperfections may rise and be scraped away. This fairytale land of goodness that I thought would happen when moving into the Lake House was not the paradise that I had imagined. It became a fire that began a burning process that will continue throughout my life. It ignited, or maybe flamed a fire that began the refining process. God has taken parts of my life captive through these men and they have put up with my inaction, my fear and my stubbornness.

So, because of all of this, I thank them for allowing God to use them in this process. For not being afraid of staring me in the eyes and telling me I am wrong. I thank them for loving me in spite of the ass that I can be. I thank them for patience when all I want to do it flee the environment that hurts. I thank them for enduring the blame I have placed on them at times for the pain I cause myself. More than anything I thank them for allowing God to use them as a tool to help begin this refining process. So as I leave for the summer I pray that they will continue in the wrestling with God; that they will continue on this course of peeling away the layers of life that we have covered over ourselves in spite of the pain it may cause us. Continue to encourage, whispering into the ears of all those who are on the brink of running home to comfort that they were made for much greater and that should they endure the pain, God will bring peace into their lives in spite of the pain. Continue to be Barnabas to all those who are encountered, the sons of encouragement. Thank you for being my family, and I do love each and everyone of you.

And so to end this blog I must do what is expected and end with a quote by C.S. Lewis:

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

From Philly

I'm remembering now why I love coming here.

I'm staying in one of the houses owned by the St. Francis Inn called Jean Donovan house. As you walk in through the narrow front door of this row house, the first sight is this drawing of lay worker Jean Donovan and the three Maryknoll nuns who were martyred with her in December of 1980.

During the Salvadoran civil war, they provided shelter, transport, food and buried those killed by the military death squads. Jean went to Bishop Romero's cathedral to hear him preach, and later to his funeral, eight months before her own death. She was engaged to a young physician, Douglas Cable, and felt a strong call to motherhood as well as her call to do mission work: "...I sit there and talk to God and say 'Why are you doing this to me? Why can't I just be your little suburban housewife?' He hasn't answered yet."

Weeks before being beaten, raped and killed by a government death squad, she wrote to her friend, “The Peace Corps left today and my heart sank low. The danger is extreme and they were right to leave... Now I must assess my own position, because I am not up for suicide. Several times I have decided to leave El Salvador. I almost could, except for the children, the poor, bruised victims of this insanity. Who would care for them? Whose heart could be so staunch as to favor the reasonable thing in a sea of their tears and loneliness? Not mine, dear friend, not mine.”

I love that the very building I'm sleeping in is a chilly, creaking old hymn to the love of God as expressed in the life of one of his servants. I love that sacrifice is part of the culture here. I love the friars, lay workers, sisters, priests and volunteers that live here for sharing these jewels of the faith with me. I love you, my people, so you'll forgive me if I can't help but share them with you.

The Paradox

There are many days that it seems I can not go on. I can not care for another person, meet another need, or welcome another visitor. The weight of giving yourself to others becomes too great and I want to give up. I want to crawl into my room and hide from the world, from the pain, from the call of Christ. However I am always surprised by the joy that wells up in me at these moments of disillusionment. There is a joy that I find nowhere else in this world than at my wits' end with a life among the poor. It may be the reminder that God is with me, or maybe the knowledge that I am exactly where Jesus has called me to but it is truly ineffable. It's like being caught by the safety net of purpose and meaning which really is the grace of God. Like the idea that too much of a good thing is bad; it seems like too much pain is really good. When you empty yourself for another you are filled. When you have mercy, mercy is yours. When you weep with another, your tears turn sweet. Tonight I was sharing these thoughts with a community member and was reminded of these words of Mother Teresa :

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

Here are a few other quotes to meditate on:

To endure the cross is not tragedy; it is the suffering which is the fruit of an exclusive allegiance to Jesus Christ.

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

- Galatians 6:9

"Give me health and a day...

...and I will make the pomp of emperors ridiculous."

-Emerson

Once each month, the whole lot of us spend a day together. Very often we spend the time doing some kind of work, a project for productive bonding. Slacker though I am, I've loved working with people towards a useful purpose we have chosen. Labor has a way of distilling our words and actions, so that most of the idle babble by which we hide ourselves is left behind. Our particular strengths and weaknesses are set in front of the whole, and there we are. A little more naked, perhaps than we like to be, and a degree more real. It's uncomfortable, and we usually have self-defending attitudes to dispose of before much can be accomplished with the task at hand or with the people by our side. We can grow by sharing work.

And we can grow by sharing fun and leisure. So this November, in lieu of ripping out walls or building fences, we crossed a bridge and headed for Fort de Soto to spend the day on the beach. Fueled by fast Caribbean food and driven by Gio and his vanly van, the nine of us spilled out onto the sand, some with books, one with a football (is this becoming a trend?), into an unflinching glory quietly spread out over land and water, between earth and sky. We had spent plenty of days tinkering away with our own attempts to create and to craft; now it was time to step into Dad's workshop and see how a pro does it, see the breadth of creative work that is our inheritance. I can't find any way of setting letters next to each other on paper or manipulating tongue and teeth and vocal chords to communicate what the sand says as it reshapes itself beneath and between us, or what the tide is teaching as it expands and recedes on the cusp of dry ground. Every clever word that comes to mind bows out of the conversation because of the molten waves of color pouring out of the horizon. It was good.

Like tides on a crescent sea-beach,

When the moon is new and thin,

Into our hearts high yearnings

Come welling and surging in-

Come from the mystic ocean,

Whose rim no foot has trod,-

Some of us call it Longing,

And others call it God.

Here's a fun discovery:

There is a community in St. Petersburg called the Bayboro House.

They invited underground peeps who weren't away with Intervarsity this weekend to have a barbecue at their house. This group of 17 men, women and children are part of the pacifist Church Communities International, formerly and variously known as the Bruderhof Communities, the Society of Brothers or the Hutterian Brethren. This network of small and not so small communities was founded by Eberhard Arnold in Germany in 1920. They have fled from Germany to England to Paraguay and to the US, following as closely as they know how to the early christian believers' practice of holding all things in common. No member keeps a personal bank account, and they all work together in various industries like cleaning services, carpentry and contracting, sign making and child care. Their lifestyle is simple, largely free of contemporary distractions of attention, devotion and resources. Yes, that means no TV. The brothers and sisters prefer to fill the void left by the entertainment industry with each other. It's austere to most of us, and it's been good to get a better perspective on how others try to live out their convictions.

It was really refreshing to spend time talking with some of the younger and older members. What the best of us in Tampa has for zeal, they have in ardent commitment. The guys explored together the common thread between our two peoples, which turned out to be football. There is a stand at the front edge of their property with a few books made free to any passerby, so I took one called Be Not Afraid: Overcoming the Fear of Death and sat on a firm mound of seaweed at the waters' edge to read while the rest tossed the pig skin around. Being antisocial is how I engage. By the time the sun tucked into its western bed, the goodbyes were tinged with gratitude for such open hospitality and a little bit of wonder about where our search for a just lifestyle will take each of us.

HOSPITALity

I was healed, cut, comforted, and visited.
When I was there, I was not feeling well and was tired from pain medication. The last thing I wanted to do was socialize and I wasn't much to talk to when others came. They came though. Lots of people. Mother, Father, sister, wife, Waton & Enslie, David. Will, Robbie, Patrick, Drew, Matt, Brian...
I felt like I needed to be hospitable.
I had nothing to offer. No energy to entertain. I could only receive. I became poor and got to encounter my community and family who love me as weak, poor, embarrassed, and humbled and I realized the strength and presence of God's love in them in a new and powerful way.

Commune

In the past month, my life decisions have become the life maze of God as He is pulling me from the comfort of white middles class America and calling me to truly care for the marginalized. Hence, I move to the Lake House.

Today I spoke with a pastor from my childhood, someone I greatly admire, about the decisions I have been making, most significantly my moving into the Lake House. Telling him with excitement in my eyes about the new house and opportunities, I described it as an intentional community. He fired back, in a half-hearted joking way, like a 'hippie commune' of the 70's. I was confused and startled. Wasn't this biblical? Are we not called to live with one another, each eat other's bread, weep in each others tears? I guess he saw the confusion on my face when he quickly changed his position to support (with reservations) the decision to live with a brother intentionally and confirmed the biblical nature of such communities. After much thought I realized that from the outside it could very well be seen as a commune, I mean what other kind of environment do crazy Jesus people pack as tightly into a house as they can. But as I am nervous walking into this lion's den of a house, I am overcome with excitement. I realize each moment I spend within the walls of this house, although this will be my first night actually sleeping here, this is not anything like a commune, it truly is the biblical representation of how we are called to live. I am surrounded by people who understand the calling of God to live and share in each others sorrows and joys. Men (and a woman) who strive to not live in a commune separated from society, but a community that interacts with society to spread the love that surrounds us and moves through us so that maybe, just maybe we might get it right one day and let Jesus be reflected in our faces, and get lucky enough to see Jesus in each other. I'm reminded now of a word Shane Claiborne used in his book Irresistible Revolution, one used in Calcutta when he saw Jesus in the eyes of a leper: namaste, or "I bless the holy spirit I see within you." I pray that each of us here has the opportunity to say such things, not only to each other, but to those who are the poor in spirit, to the surrounding community so desperate for the love of God.

a heavy grace

Jesus said that his yolk is easy and his burden light, but lately there have been more needs and burdens than I could possibly carry alone. Things are going well with me but so many people have burdens that love compels me to carry alongside them. Each unto itself seems large but bearable. But when in each direction you look you see another need, it quickly seems like you couldn't poosiby take on more. And it is to that place and at that time that more seems to come. We look to God for strength to continue and to finish what we have started. He points to our comunity and the fact that these yolks that I have embraced as my own are now being carried by my brothers around me. Together we pray and carry each other and those that God has entrusted to us. Then, in every direction you look, you find brothers and partners and friends. Love and laughter and peace. God's presence is felt in these holy others... in the poor and weak as much as the comrade at your side. These burdens are ours: yours, mine, and His.

One year ago... Natalia after home church

Tonight:
Cooking for tons of people when I always hated to cook. Sitting and laughing in the crowded living-room, with my house-mates and several homeless people from our community. Pondering James, chapter 1, together. Wisdom flowed between us. In a moment no less miraculous every time it happens, the differences in skin color, in age, in walks of life, all shriveled and lost their power. Lord, we all need your strength. Lord, we all need your love to flow into us, and from us. From the aging addict to the freshman. Grant us your transforming love.

"What Lord, do you have for me here?"

Tonight I felt an answer.

"This, Natalia, is your Eden. Here, you have much to learn. Here, you have the chance to learn to love people different from yourself. Here you will be whom I created you to be. Here your life is not your own, here you will serve others."

So on Sept. 14, I turn 25 and nothing changes. Here I remain. Only, something I had once known but somehow forgotten is again being revealed to me. This neighborhood and it's people are profoundly beautiful. I really do love this city. So does God. And here I will be fulfilled.

Happy 26th!!

Grateful Inevitability

There is momentum about, a captivating path now forming, now leaving sparks to the left and to the right. What begins as a jerk away from a predictably impotent way of life finds focus on an omega point in the distance. It shines broadly enough to show how very much ground there is to cover. What a long journey it would be to that goal, that aspiration, that realization; and what loneliness and doubt threaten the aspirant, were it not for our fellows along the way. Those who do look to their left and to their right give more than just encouragement to another. To look on another's struggle without blinking or shirking away, but with the honest attentiveness with which one looks at one's self in a mirror, that is the point itself. And it cannot help but grow. In the body, only disease can spread, because health is a passive absence of sickness. But in the hearts of men, where disease is still subject to will and faith, healing can spread with a fury no cancer can rival.
And here we are, next to each other, no longer content with pretending to be free agents only. Now all things are at stake, because we can take stake in every man's story. God knows what towers are bound to topple when the bonds of self-interest are shaken off.
The line it is drawn, the curse it is cast
The slow one now will later be fast
As the present now will later be past
The order is rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.